Week After Week

Every Saturday, for as long as I can remember, my parents would take me to church.

I would sit on the pew right beside my parents trying not to make a sound.

I would look around and realize that everyone was looking intently at the speaker.

I would stare at him as well, wondering if what he was saying would just seek into my brain and i would somehow understand.

It didn't work.

I would look and look some more, but nothing ...

What was he saying?

Who are all those people?

What exactly is going on?

I don't know.

I turned to my parents and tried to ask them questions, but their answers would just lead to more questions.

I knew they were trying to pay attention so I didn't want to disrupt them with even more questions.

I ended up just thinking to myself and not asking any more questions.

So I sunk back down in my seat and played tic-tack-toe with my brother.

We would draw things and laugh not paying one bit of attention to the preacher.

This always happened when we went to church.

Every Saturday, week after week.

I never got anything out of the church services even though my parents would try to explain to me what was going on, I never really showed any interest in God because I didn't understand.

Somehow I'm still stuck in that stage of my life.

I hear the words coming out of the preachers mouth (in English, Spanish and Portuguese) yet I don't seem to grasp a single sound.

That is why one of the many things I would like to accomplish this year is understanding God and his plans for me.

I want to care.

For God.

For me.